I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
