i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
