The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think my mom watched the whole time
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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