Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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