Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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