When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I need a beard to bite.
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