she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
