i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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