I'm really into asian looking animals
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
