You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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