Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
