Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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