I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
