wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.