So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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