I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i think i just lost a toe
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
