Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball