Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys