I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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