Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going