i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
