i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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