dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
