hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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