Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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