i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
