I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
