She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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