guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
smell my finger.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
