This girl is more easily done than said...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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