Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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