Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
