I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
