In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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