his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
