i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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