Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
