i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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