I wanna bring you to show and tell
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
