and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
