Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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