I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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