I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
