So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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