Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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