apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
