I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
