I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
