he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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