Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Where is the hickey?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
