So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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