My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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