Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
