if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
