I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
