Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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