I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
