Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
