Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Houston, we have a squirter
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
