I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
