there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
