my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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