I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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