this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
