Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
