It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
