those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
