Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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