Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
