i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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