did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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