I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?