I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night