i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.