can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
