I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
