You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
