i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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