dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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