Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
