Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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