the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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