my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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