I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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