A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
