mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize