I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he thought i was a dude.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
