I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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