STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
