You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
