its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
