the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude. I can hear the air.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
