I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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